P 姐姐 is a long time friend from my old church who I look up to a lot. She’s kind, generous, fun, and has a lot of wisdom. I baby-sat her kids when I was in college and we grew close ever since.
My roommate H asked P 姐姐 to help her plan her wedding. P 姐姐 is great at it – she’s planned plenty of parties and knows people in the industry. So a couple days ago, we spent a full day in the Roseville Galleria area, looking for accessories and trying on dresses. Then we went back to her house and did a bunch of searching and planning online.
I learned a lot that day. I would have very much liked to do everything in a much more concise and organized way. A more coordinated way. But H is trying to keep under budget as much as possible since they just bought a house and the mortgage payments are high. They also want to do some renovating – painting and cabinetry – which apparently will cost a lot. It’s stressful! And to be honest, if I were H, I would just have a civil ceremony with family and maybe a couple close friends present. Then I would deal with the parties and whatnot later, when there’s more flex cash to do so. Or even just have a huge house party instead.
As I think very linearly, and they liked to jump back and forth that day, I spent a lot of time in my head making a prioritized list of things to do when throwing a wedding. Not that I will have one any time soon. But still, it was interesting to make that list in my head. Here it is, as follows:
- Marriage counseling appointments
- Guest list
- Wedding party
- Wedding dress/Qua/wedding party outfits
- Wedding shower stuff
- Honeymoon stuff
- Ceremony program
Well, that’s my list. I like to keep it simple. I know there are much more complicated weddings, as well as much less complicated weddings. I prefer something in the middle – leaning towards the simple.
H is having a hard time coming up with the full guest list. She doesn’t want to invite too many people (to keep the wedding cheap). There is a location that she can have for free, but if she does that then she has to invite more people to it. So there’s a conundrum that even I find to be a headache. Oh, money. You fickle yet necessary thing.
My advice for H? Go for the free location. So what if a few more guests come? She will recoup that cost in feeding and watering a few more guests in exchange for their monetary gifts (which is what she’s asking for, instead of a registry). Plus, word will get out anyway. So might as well.
It’s also not a good idea to burn any bridges when inviting people to weddings. If they don’t feel friendly enough with you to attend, then so be it. They’ll just show up and have some fun, which people need. You would end up blessing them in a bit of fun for one day. It’s not like there will be time for them to talk to you that day. And you can give all the shallow update of your news in the program, or in the decor and invitations, or even just on facebook.
It’s a little stressful for me to, as I don’t know when I’ll need to find a new place to live. I’m keeping my options open – including moving back to my parents. Although that would relieve a lot of my home-sickness, it’s probably not the smartest idea in terms of my relationship with my parents, or with my east bay friends.