Anger issues

Image I’m a fairly stubborn person. I get the most stubborn when I just want to do things, or experience things, my own way but then someone goes and tries to direct me to do it their way. And when I’m stubborn, I get pretty snippy. Almost mean. No scratch that. I’m down-right mean.

I’ll gladly accept critic on how to do better, suggestions and tips and whatnot. Especially for my job. I need to be better at teaching.

But I don’t necessarily need to be better at tennis. I’m just playing for fun. For the exercise. For the social activity with some laughs thrown in. I don’t appreciate it when someone interjects that I drop my shoulder during my backhand, or I’m gripping my racket wrong.

Not so say that I’m NOT doing all those things. I probably am. But I’m most definitely not aiming to be the top ranked international tennis player either. All those interjections just takes the fun out of the game. I would very much just like to be left alone to enjoy running and jumping around, and hitting things.

Does this make me in the wrong? Yes. Especially when I get snippy. I’m mean when I’m snippy. And I’m sure I didn’t act out of love today on the tennis courts. It is a brand new pet-peeve to me: when someone superimposes their world view on me. When they assume I want their tips on tennis. Or their sympathy for needing to work on lesson plans and grading during the weekends. I don’t want your tennis tips. I like working on lesson plans, whether on the weekends or at any other time. Just because you don’t like your job, and you don’t like working on the weekends doesn’t mean everyone else in the world shares that feeling.

I met up with a few friends for breakfast this morning – one of whom has some tension with another. Both of them were present. The other just grates the first friend the wrong way. So this person, Mr. Pro Tennis Tips Who Had Private Lessons, grates on me. It’s not the first time. And it certainly won’t be the last. I’m not particularly proud of the way I get when I’m around him. But I’m also not going to be dishonest with myself and think everything is ok either. I will be transparent about they way I don’t appreciate his entire demeanor towards me. It’s patronizing, and slightly degrading.

Now that I’ve blogged about it, I can let go of that anger. Yes? Maybe? Dear God, let me let go of that anger. Of that defensiveness. I don’t need this person to tell me how to be better. Telling is not actions. Show it. Be a person that others look up to. Live out an example. It is so much stronger, and so much more godly to show it with actions. God is not impressed by words without a change in heart and the deeds that show its fruition.


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