This is one of the simpler things to do on my 101 in 1001 Days list, but it still took me a couple weeks to get my thoughts together. It’s a pretty long letter too, at least 3 pages hand-written. Half of it was a recap of how I came to be where I am now, and the other half was a pep-talk to myself.
I’ve been needed a lot of pep-talks to myself recently, including today. I went to visit my parents and brought home a lot of grading. Half of which is still undone right now. When I came back to my apartment this afternoon, I realized I had left all my work at my parent’s house – after I had already arrived at my own place. My dad called to tell me he was going to drive over – 2 hours + traffic – and deliver it to me. His plan was to come out with my mom and have dinner. But I was so flustered, and a little angry with myself, so he changed the plan to just delivering it to me.
I wish he had come out with my mom, and we did have dinner out here, even when I had just spent most of the weekend with them. But I didn’t realize that until he had dropped it off by himself and then rushed home again to make dinner for my mom.
Story of my life it seems. I don’t appreciate the things in front of me, and I don’t take the time to be present, because I’m always wishing of something else. Or wanting to be by myself. And then when I achieve what I want, or am by myself, I regret it.
I hope I’m different from that when I open this letter in 10 years. I hope I spend time with the people who matter, and not regret it later for the lost opportunities. I hope I really, truly believe in the things I say I will prioritize.
Strangely enough, I made a resolution to only go home once a month because I was going home so often. I wasn’t letting myself make friendships and build relationships here. But it sometimes doesn’t feel right when I don’t go home. And once a month seems to be too little. If I have nothing planned for the weekend, I should go home. It feels better in my heart when I do.