Things I could have done better recently

Not feeling too good about myself today. Loads of mistakes made recently – too many. And the consequences for my mistakes suck.

Mistake #1: Apparently my bank changed their schedule of fees back in August (yet again; they’ve sent so many of those fee schedule updates in just the past year alone). I tossed it aside without reading it, thinking that those fees would never touch me as I a) always pay off the balance of my credit card each month, and b) have a high enough balance that have prevented me from paying any of those account maintenance fees in the past.

Mistake #2: I haven’t been keeping an eye on my checking account transactions as closely as I should have over the summer. Which is why I didn’t discover these new maintenance fees until I was charged for August and September.

Mistake #3: I also haven’t been keeping an eye on my credit card transactions as closely as I did before this summer. Which is why I found a mysterious $100 charge from Apple Online Store that shouldn’t be there. And it’s taking me forever and a day to get it resolved because of course they put me on hold, and I can’t stay on hold for long because of the nature of my job, and by the time I get home to call, I only have 1/2 an hour of open business time, and of course I never get the chance to get a hold of someone who can actually help me with this. Not to mention I wasted a full Saturday going around and around from the online help desk to the phone and back and forth again because each place I sought help from told me to go to the other.

Mistake #4: Which really isn’t my mistake at all, but just a miscommunication error that was blamed on me at work. If you say you want to work with me on a committee, then you work with me on it. You don’t make your own decisions, and make your own ballots, and count the results of those ballots, and know all this and not communicate it with me. And here I was sitting on my hands, waiting to get some sort of update from you when you’ve known for weeks and just didn’t let me in on the loop.

Mistake #5: I have spent way too much money this summer. Fixing my car was a requirement. But I also bought my mom a new laptop + the software to go with it, got my dad a replacement ipod touch, paid for tickets to Oregon during Thanksgiving break, got a variety of household and clothing necessities, paid for fall quarter tuition, and funded the start of my school year. And I spent all this during the time in the year when my funds are the lowest because I haven’t had a paycheck in three months (I don’t get paid in the summer).

What gets me the most is that I’m not usually like this. I’m usually meticulous, and proactive, and all of these mistakes could have been prevented if I was at my peak performance levels. But I’m not right now – I haven’t been for awhile now. Not since before June. Maybe not since before January, now that I really take the time to reflect and look at the patterns! And although I had lots of fun and relaxing time in the summer, I’m still feeling run down in the way that isn’t at all related to the effects of ‘being on’ in front of 160 middle school students for 7 hours straight on each of our 180 school days.

And I don’t know why. So I don’t know how to fix it.

I can’t sleep it off. I can’t hermit-mode it off. I can’t socialize it off. I can’t go home and enjoy-being-pampered-by-my-parents it off. It won’t go away with a hot shower, a face mask, or a good meal. It’s still there underneath the surface, receding just enough for me to function on a basic level, but it comes back with the pull of the moon’s gravity.

The only thing I haven’t tried yet is a good cry. Thinking about all the mistakes I’ve listed above, I think I’m going to go and do that right now.


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